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No More Mr. Nice Guy

Whenever I lend something to someone it either comes back broken, ripped, stepped on, spit on, partially burned or not at all. When I was a kid of about 9, I had a James Bond Attache Case. It was very cool. I remember it well because it was probably my favorite toy. I brought it to my friend, Perry Rosen’s house. I left it there and never saw it again. Everytime I asked Perry what happened to it, he couldn’t tell me. It was very upsetting. I guess he was angry because his parents named him Perry. To this day, I wonder what happend to that James Bond Attache Case. Perry Rosen moved to Staten Island and I tried finding him on the internet. Apparently there are a lot of Perry Rosens out there. I saw some pictures, but none of them had a guy holding a James Bond Attache Case.

Another prized possession of mine was a bicycle with a banana seat. They were all the rage back in the 60’s. I had one. Anthony, some fat kid from school, came over and rode my bicycle around the block. When he came back, the banana seat was ripped. I can only guess it was from his big fat ass. He denied it of course. I don’ t remember Anthony’s last name and there are far too many Anthonys with fat asses out there to try to locate him.

Number three:  I owned an album by Alice Cooper called Billion Dollar Babies back in the 70’s. I loaned it to Kevin Anderson. He never gave it back. I even went to his house and knocked on his door and he told me he couldn’t find it. How can you NOT find an album? If I wasn’t so skinny and nerdy back then, I would have beat him up. Kevin Anderson is another popular name and impossible to locate.

Now here is where it gets weird. Years later, about 2002 or so, I bought Billion Dollar Babies on CD. I loaned it to a guy I worked with named Rich Randazzo. Rich wanted to burn a copy. Guess what? I never got it back. I kept asking Rich. He said, “I can’t find it”. he found the CD box and returned that, but could not find the CD?

I tried to find out if he knew Kevin Anderson, thinking maybe they were in cohoots. Now they are both missing along with two copies of Billion Dollar Babies. I am afraid to get another copy. Apparently I am not allowed to own this item.

I still loan CD’s to people to burn. They come back, but usually broken, scratched, or smudged up to a point of skipping. Will I ever learn? Apparently not. What I really don’t understand is why do people do this? If I ever borrow something from someone, I take expert care of it and I return it as soon as possible in the same or even better condition.

So, anybody out there that has something of mine? I am granting amnesty for 30 days. If you return it within this timespan, I will not press charges.

Do you hear me Perry Rosen, Kevin Anderson and Rich Randazzo?

By the way – Happy Birthday to Alice Cooper. I still love the album and one day, I will get it and keep it to myself.

Alice Cooper – No More Mr. Nice Guy http://youtu.be/xYKjGvVSTGA

 

 

 

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About Stevie GB

57 year old stand up comedian from Long Island. My approach to comedy is telling the truth about being married, middle aged and living in the suburbs. I enjoy making people laugh without making them feel uncomfortable. My act is clean and clever. Featured in Newsday and on News12. Winner of the Huntington Arts Council Laff-off, 2006. 3rd place winner of LI Press Best of LI 2011, A regular on The Long Island Comedy Festival for 9 consecutive years. Opened for Dennis Miller, Louie Anderson, Kevin Pollak, Bobby Collins, Bob Nelson, Uncle Floyd, Kevin Meaney, and many more.

6 responses to “No More Mr. Nice Guy

  1. Gerard ⋅

    With ‘God’s Blessing’ i was allowed to lend The Last Waltz from The Band from a friend’s dad. I definitely got the scare of a lifetime when on side b the record turned over a bit. When I gave it back, I confessed with lead in my shoes. Then the guy said: Oh, I forgot to tell you about it, that scratch has been there for years…. I never ever did lend a record again from that guy.

  2. I wonder if Kevin Anderson adopted the alias Rich Randazzo in order to procure a Billion Dollar Babies cd to replace “his” album.

  3. yourothermotherhere ⋅

    After a couple of times of loaning books, CDs and DVDs out that never came back, or came back damaged, I don’t do it anymore. If they really want to read, hear or see it, they can buy it – just like I did.

  4. Tommy

    I know what you mean. I have learned that whenever I loan a DVD out, I might as well kiss it goodbye! I will never see it again. I don’t know what it is about DVD’s, but that is the way it has always been.

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